Another was a lawyer who just wanted some one to accompany her to events and sex. Pretty fond of it, always have been. Makes my genitals feel fuckin' spectacular. And it's been pretty stress free for me. I get tested regularly, I'm sterile, I don't fuck around with people who are in monogamous relationships, and I talk about all this and other important subjects like, you know, that both parties are on the same page about it being completely casual before doing it.
That keeps it pretty uncomplicated. I mean I want sex all the time, but the people I have had casual sex with meant a lot to me. Never personally had one but it seems so unfulfilling. I can get off by myself thank you very much. For me, it depends on the girl I'm with. Some are really nice, before and after hooking up. Others change as soon as they get what they want, but I guess that can be said of people in general.
I'm looking for a relationship, but at times I figure I wouldn't turn down a one night stand in the right circumstances.
I generally don't seek out casual sex though, if the opportunity arises and it feels right, I'll take it. Touch is important to me, and a lot of people and most of the time I have no other way to get or give it. I think it's great and healthy. Humans are sexual creatures- it's how other humans are made, even. Sex is good for our health and release feel good chemicals. You wanna know what's not good for our health? If it's understood by both parties that it is indeed just casual, I don't see harm in it.
As long as you're not stupid wear a condom , irresponsible wear a condom , or treat the person you had a casual experience with poorly, having fun and doing what humans were designed to do shouldn't be a bad thing.
Personally, I've never been for it. I'm a relationship person and have never felt comfortable having sex with someone I wasn't in a relationship with them.
As I've gotten older, it's become less of an issue. While I personally feel that's it's usually a bad decision and tends to lead to more complications than it's worth, I'm not about to judge others on something as unimportant as who they bang.
If she's willing and I'm willing and we're both aware that the sex is for fun, then I don't see the issue. It's not that I'll sleep with just anyone.
I'd like to at least have a normal conversation with her before we find someplace private and the clothes start coming off.
If there's no immediate chemistry from that convo or I'm just otherwise not in the mood, then there's no sexytime. I went through a phase when I was younger of doing it. I enjoyed it and everyone I slept with did as well. No close calls and generally the majority of them ended well. In a relationship now and have been for some time and the sex is out of this world. Married so not my game anymore but I enjoyed it a lot.
I think it depends on who you are and what you want at the time. I don't judge either way - if you are safe, treat yourself and others with respect unless they want you not to it's all cool in my book. The take away is really to do what's right for you. One too many nervous moments in testing clinics in my younger days taught me I'm not cut out for it. I actually prefer it over being in a relationship. I have zero desire for having a gf so casual is the way I go.
Maybe in 10 years when I'm 40 I will change, but for now, I'm enjoying life. I think I haven't had nearly enough casual sex to have an actual opinion on it, and that's a tragedy.
I feel normal about it, I do have a preference of it because either party can just move on if the activity was not their taste. I get little enough out of it that I don't go out of my way to try to make it happen. I'm not hanging out at bars trying to pick up random women and bring them home.
Instead, I'm trying to find a woman who I want to be in a relationship with. That said, if someone attractive comes on to me and wants to bang, poppa ain't gonna turn her down. It's way better than relationship sex, no need to commit to anything ,I just get off and I'm done. I don't find it hard separating sex from emotion. But a one night stand provides very little reward for the risk.
No strings attached usually has strings attached. Don't stick your dick in crazy is as true as crazy in head, crazy in bed.
It's temping and usually fun, but you'll regret it. Most of the women I've been with aren't very good, and while they are happy with me often enough I wish I had just masterbated instead. Unless she's a pretty good lay, most of the enjoyment comes from the relationship aspect. Having that intimate bond goes a long way, and without that, the casual sex isn't as good. Crazy girls are usually great in bed, but it's not worth it. Not crazy girls often aren't that great without a pair bonding between you, so often not worth it.
I thought I'd like it and never understood that why people would NOT like meaningless sex. I mean, it's fucking sex right?!?! Well, after a dozen or so hookups it gets old. Yes, I said that. Meaningless sex gets old. I crave a closer bond now for an actual relationship. Kinda weird hearing myself say that because I've been a horn dog for all of my life.
Been there, done that when I was younger and not in LTR. Was nice, hot, and satysfying. Nowadays, its out of the questions for obvious reasons. Holy shit - It's so interesting to actually see men talking about this.
Thanks for your answers, super intriguing!! I have never been one to pick up girls for a one night stand and I feel like I lose the respect of other guys because of it which is petty. I agree with your basic idea, but "completely unrelated" is not quite true. Each of these three things individually enhance the love to one person, and strengthens the bond. It can also help to overcome deficiencies in one of the other points. It's basically the same cognitive fallacy of "Oh you're beautiful?
Especially when it comes to love, attraction and sex, our brains just love to make all the cognitive fallacies. I'm not saying that's a good thing that happens, I'm just saying that it is a thing that happens. Well I never said that it didn't happen, in fact I said "but people link way too much to romantic love"; I just said I thought it was a fallacy.
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Just like most things in this world. Yeah one nighters are pretty shite. Now, not so much. Very empty and unfulfilling. Sex for the sake of sex tends to be a poor substitute. Makes me feel confused emotionally. As much as most women say they want a sensitive open man, a lot of them will express how they also want a man who makes them "feel safe" and is the stoic emotional anchor in the relationship I'm not saying that's most women, but it's enough that many guys have gotten burnt by exposing ourselves like they said they want, and thus we revert to being how we were taught to be growing up, ya know being told to "man up" and that the only negative emotions we're allowed to show are aggression and anger.
You can see plenty of stories of that on this sub It's not healthy and as guys express here they by and large wish they could show more weakness and sensitivity and have someone help carry the load, but have been taught that they're not supposed to.
And for people who were never taught how often times the only way they can learn how is through therapy It really is very tragic and unfortunately as you said our cultural zeitgeist doesn't consider it a priority, especially when anyone suggests that maybe there are some unique ways men are treated unfairly. I know what you mean.
I mean, relevant username. Do you need to talk? It's everything I don't want in sex. I need to trust them first. Other days it makes you feel so empty inside. Casual sex is good, I've had it, it was good. They involved to be monogamous, to be polygamous, to be single, to be cheating, All those involve being together.
Sure, if you count one-night-stands as "being together". Nature is often surprising and doesn't fit with our "common sense", No sexy time no humans. Sexy time most important thing for a mammal to continue its existence. My argument is humans were made to be with humans. Sure, if you count one-night-stands as "being together" Are you in the same place at the same time? Then you are together. It all comes down to your indvidual id ego and super ego.
Most of Freud's ideas were debunked by modern psychology years ago. When it's wrong is a horrible and awkward thing. Not doing it but still good. Wish I had more of it!
All my sex since I was about 24 has been relationship sex. And that was 16 years ago. Would rather be friends with someone first. Because I am closer to 30 than I am to I've only gone on a couple of dates and that alone was so tedious. Trying to actually fuck someone who was so much more experienced than me, and didn't want me for any other reason but to fuck, would be embarrassing. Even when I was single, I didn't like it. I'd do it from time to time but I never really liked myself when I was that guy.
Because I'd rather have an emotional connection with a woman and then get my dick wet. Not just get my dick wet. And when you meet someone that you do love and care about and want to be "special", how do you convince yourself much less her that she is actually in a different category from the other women whose names you can't remember that you've done the exact same things with?
Because if you realize it is more than just sex you've already established she is different from the others. Sure, but you can have both. Physical intimacy to pair with emotional intimacy. That's how I see it. It doesn't seem cost effective. I would have to revamp my entire wardrobe and shit like that, spend an ungodly amount of time at places that play shitty music and serve incredibly overpriced drinks.
To top it off, I most likely won't even get laid. Prostitutes would be pretty cost effective, it seems. Basically the cheapest way for the vast majority of guys. My roommate actually did that and ended up dating the hoe Not his best moment.
Though he does still have 3 other women he's also casually dating, so there is that. Mathematically, dating is not profitable for the vast majority of guys. However, you can't quantify the value of an emotional connection. Because sex is probably the last thing I want from a relationship, that and i'm way too ugly to get any action.
Well, for starters I'd vastly prefer to be in a stable, longterm relationship where I was having more sex than whatever I could pull if I went out every Friday or Saturday night or even both with the intention of getting laid by some rando or even if I was making arrangements through Tinder and actually getting good results. Plus, I find relationship sex more satisfying anyway, though I certainly won't say no to a beautiful woman throwing herself at me. It just seems so incredibly empty.
I have no desire to fuck some body, I might as well get a sex doll if that's what I want. I want that extra connection, the chemistry, trust and experience that comes from being with the same person. The emotional and physical need to be with each other.
I'm not a fan of partying, hooking up or all that stuff all my co-workers and a few friends do at my age All I really want to do is just hang back and relax with a few friends. To me, I just kind of want to find someone I care about and settle down with them eventually.
A lot of my female friends have told me I'm probably going to have to wait a few years or find a girl that's similar in thought which I'm okay with. Maybe it's just the area I'm in, but most of my acquaintances usually go out and party or host kick-backs. Tried it, not my thing, so I just chill out. I used to be pretty self-conscious about it, but somewhere down the line I just got a, "Fuck it, you do you and let everyone do what they do" attitude.
Its made me a better dude and I like myself a lot more now. I seek an emotional connection w any woman I'm intimate with. And I dont treat women like prostitutes and will not consort w hoers. I dont engage in casual sex often, but Ive had a casual-ish sexual thing for a month or so. I dont know how consenting adults agreeing that sex is fun and nothing more for that particular relationship makes a woman a prostitute.
Ive sure never felt like one. Not OP, but since he didn't bother to explain Casual sex is similar to prostitution because it degrades the human person by turning sex into a commodity. Treating each other's bodies as objects to satiate physical urges is undignified a la prostitution.
That is possibly the most narrow minding way to viewing casual sex. Youre implying that the woman is just open to anyone who comes along and the men requesting sex are just desparate guys who cant get any other than this "loose woman". Seriously, think about what you said. Ive had sex with one person in the last year, and it was a casual thing for one month. Both agreed to it. If that makes me a prostitute in someones eyes then they can fuck right off. Wow, thats a healthy way of looking at sex.
I guess I treat the cashiers body as an object and degrade her because I use her to buy water to satiate my filthy immoral physical urge for water. I have a FWB. I like him, we are actual friends. I also enjoy sex. I am not ready for a relationship. I feel comfortable with him, we are honest with each other, and want the same. That does not make me a hoe. I can't just have a ONS randomly, but I can sleep with someone I enjoy without wanting to mesh our lives together.
I'm 34 and have 4 kids, recently divorced after a decade with a man I still love. Anyway, just hate the hoe word thrown at women, often anytime a woman has non-monogamous sex.
Hell it's , aren't we passed that yet? Ive had casual flings with some girls. But I miss just hanging out with someone who actually cares about you. Share the same interests.
Watch hours of tv together. Help build computers and play sim city all night together. It's just not the same. I've taken a break from dating. You think I chose this life? If I could hook up with girls I would but you gotta be pretty good looking to I'd that.
Most guys like to talk big talk but in reality you meet very few whose romantic lives consistent of strings of casual sex. I don't like it because I really need to feel an emotional connection to the person I'm having sex with. Like the girl I hooked up with was nice and the act was really good, but it wasn't enjoyable for me. It was more like just getting a chore done. I really like waking up next to the person and cuddling and talking.
Sometimes it feels like I'm in the minority, but it's just the way I function. I want a relationship. I'm looking for someone to be my wife one day and the mother to my children. I'm not looking for momentary satisfaction. Cause it's not enjoyable to me. The sex is really bad the first couple times I have sex with a new person, it's much better to figure out each other over time IMO. Not necessarily trying to marry every girl I date, but I'd like to at least have a basic understanding of the person.
Casual sex just makes me feel like a glorified dildo, idk how that's fun for someone. Learn to eat pussy. And keep your pants on until you've helped her get off a few times. And if she still says you're too small, ask for anal. You'll go from too small to too big so fast your head will spin. Nothing but regret on those incidents.
Girls I've had something with even if brief are another thing. But the few one-off hook-ups I've had haven't done anything for me. Plus I hate condoms and casual sex and not wrapping up are pretty much at odds with each other without some risk. I'm not good at it. My strength is winning them over with humor and charm. Shyness maybe plays a role, but i don't think that's it.
I'm just not wired for it. I'm certainly not above it. I'd do it if I was comfortable at it. Got falsely accused of rape when her boyfriend found out about us hooking up.
After 6 months of dealing with police, lawyers, what the fuck ever, I quickly decided random pussy wasn't worth it. Generally sex is much better with someone you actually know and can communicate openly with anyway. I can't have sex with someone I'm not emotionally attached to. I tried the hookup culture once and it was just, meh. I felt more ashamed than pleased. I personally believe that when you have intercourse with someone, you carry that person with you for the rest of your life.
And I'm not willing to attach myself or someone to me I don't truly care about. Sex is meaningful to me. I don't get excited by the idea of sticking it in someone without thinking it's possible I'll stick it in them again 20 years from now if things go well. I can bust in my hand, or a sex toy and it's an awful lot less work and frustration.
As I wasn't super into hookups to begin with, the realization of the consequence of hooking up just put the nail in the "Eh" coffin for me. So first time sex with a new partner is almost never as enjoyable for me as sex with someone I'm familiar with.
I'm not into hook up culture. It just sounds like people using each other as objects of pleasure. Some of my friends participate and I'm happy that they are getting laid and happy about it, but I could never have sex with someone that I have no feelings for.
I would feel used and I don't like being used. I am a bit old fashioned. I don't think I would enjoy sex with some random person who I've known for an hour or so. I'd really prefer a meaningful relationship where physical intimacy has more value. To me at least. I can't even perform with a condom.
No I don't participate. Northern Kentucky, has a rate of 10x the Hep C rate of the national average, the rest of the state has a rate of 4x the National Rate. That isn't including the various HIV outbreaks the last few years within a gas tank or two drive from me. That isn't including the number of people with herpes in my area, or the number of people who have unprotected sex with people they barely know. Or one of the single largest issues in Eastern Kentucky, shared needles for IV drug usage.
Also I don't sleep with people if we don't get tested first, so that eliminates the possibility of just "hooking up. Having a girlfriend to go home to is a hell of a lot better than constantly having to search for the next one.
I was trying to fill a void, eventually it got to me mentally. During sex I would think "I'm not really into her I'm way to worried about STDs or an unwanted pregnancy. I'm not ready to be a dad yet BUT I also wouldn't want to woman to abort.
I don't have any say on that issue so the only responsible thing to do is not risk it. I'm a virgin and I'd like the first time to be with someone special instead of just a hookup. Basically there's no depth to it. A hookup is pointless for me since I require more emotional depth to actually get turned on. Not only am I one of those losers that doesn't believe in sex without love, but I couldn't do it if I wanted.
I spent most of my teenage years as a Christian and just recently ditched religion one year ago almost 24 years old now. There's something in the back of my mind constantly telling me that casual sex is wrong, and that I will be punished for it. I know it's not the case I'm trying to get over it. Even still I would much prefer to sleep with someone I'm in a relationship with.
Could be my religious background again, but I find something special and emotional with sex, and I don't think I could just drop trou and poke about like some guys can. I honestly just don't understand how being naked with someone can be considered meaningless. Maybe I'm old fashioned. There are so many mixed messages and unspoken social codes of conduct depending on what kind of place it is etc.
I still really don't get it and I doubt I ever will. I'm a passionate kind of guy, I'm usually not happy with just having sex the once because it can get so much better once we get used to each other. I have nothing against casual sex it's just that I don't know how the social codes around it work.
I spent my 20s in a couple relationships being promiscuous in between - lots of one-night stands and FWB situations. I met my ex-wife when I was 29 and we were together 4 years before we got divorced in As therapy, I started going out to bars and and using Tinder to find hook ups. I did this for a few months and just felt empty. I decided I would have no more casual sex or hook ups. Since then I've had two relationships. One for about 6 months and one I'm two months into.
For both of them we dated for three weeks before having sex. I was really open with the them about wanting to wait and they were both confused but understanding.
Sex was great with both. Hookup culture is a bowl of candy. I don't expect to find a roast chicken with rice pilaf in a bowl of candy. I'm not against candy, but it's dessert; it's the special thing that caps off a healthy dinner.
Just eating out of a bowl of candy doesn't appeal to me. I like the idea of having someone to care about and to care about me, and some sense of loyalty to each other. If we're both sleeping around, it just takes any emotional meaning out of it for me and feels animal-ish in a sense.
I've just lost my taste for that type of semi-meaningless interaction. That and I don't really want to have a reputation for it, as I'm involved in a few student groups on campus that are high visibility. Also, my mom moved in with me her health is really bad. But that's probably irrelevant, because by the time I get done with a week of school and work, I don't have the emotional energy to deal with anything that isn't a computer. I like to have a long term deep emotional connection with someone before I have sex with them, plus I like commitment.
The strong emotions really do it for me. I just have no desire to do it In my head I'll be like "oh she's fine" "That ass I have to say it is an even split for me, while part of me does think it would be easier to just have a random hook up in order to lose my virginity and to just get experience in that area as well. But the other half of me knows that whoever I do sleep with I will more the likely develop feelings for. While I expecting one response to be along the lines of "just don't develop feelings they are two separate things" the problem is I can't I know myself and regardless of what I do there would be feelings afterwards.
However I will support those who do it nothing wrong with it if it works for you. I just don't see it working for me. In my 30's and just can't be arsed with the chase and game playing that's required sometimes. Plus I'm busy with family and work. So dating as a whole is on the back burner. The girls became emotionally attached both times. I also never got any satisfaction from it. Philosophically, Sex is level one of intimacy, it feels good in the moment, but after your spent, if the person is random, there is nothing more.
Sex with a random person is like long drawn out masturbation. It feels good, but it will feel better with a person you truly care for. If you think hook-up sex is the best you have some emotional evolution to do. In Reality, trying to find people to hook up with is too stressful, expensive, and the people you have to tolerate in that culture are scummy and sad. Also always having a person to go to the movies, art exhibits, cafes, restaurants, shopping and anything is amazing.
I think, though, even if I wasn't religious, my own personal nature would not be compatible with casual sex and hooking up. I like to think that, religious or not, I would enjoy being single. Doesn't appeal to me. I also tend to only develop sexual attraction after I get to know them and start liking them. I'm in a happy relationship. Also, if I wasn't, I don't see the appeal of sex without at least having some sort of bond with someone.
Essentially I didn't choose hookup culture it choose me. I've found most girls I can date for a period of time eventually, break up with me in pretty immature ways. So for now it's the wait game on age or maturity or something when I start noticing the women I'm into begin communicating and acting like grown ass human beings. Then Ill start veering away from hookup culture. Besides that like most of the people have said, intimacy in a relationship is better than in a casual setting. I would prefer to be in a relationship however until the above is met, I keep doing my thing and improving myself.
I like being alone and find it difficult to get under people. Approaching someone with the intent of sex seems like something a bard would sing tales about. Atleast I'll get my wizard license soon. Some people enjoy sex more in a casual atmosphere that is less about forming long-lasting emotional bonds. Others enjoy sex more with people with whom they have formed such bonds.
At this point in my life, I feel like I fall into the latter category. I don't think there is anything necessarily more complicated about it than that. I'm not good at cold introductions, I'm not outgoing around new people unless there is much alcohol involved. My erection doesn't like strangers, so that's all kinds of frustrating. I've got too much to lose if something goes bad kids, job, reputation.
I have a general disdain for sex to begin with. I'm not necessarily aggressively interested in it, and whenever I am, I'd rather it be with someone I trust and love. I am not interested in the gaggles of squawking twats at bars and clubs. Religion plays a big part. Apart that I want to share my life with someone, not going like a butterfly from flower to flower.
I'm all for other people doing it but it doesn't suit me. It seems like too much work for very little pay-off. The whole initial meeting to having sex the first time is what I'm trying to push through to get the more comfortable bits.
To me it's just doing the less nice bit over and over again without getting to the nice bit. I could cite my reason as needing an emotional connection, morality, principles, lasting relationships, etc. My relationships only develop if I manage to show them something beyond my ugly mug and that's not something that usually happens in hookup culutre.
For those who do have the looks to participate and go into those sort of things with open eyes I give them my full support and caution them to do no harm. I think it's innate for me. I respect all views on sex. My older sister by 1 year is very liberal about sex, having grown up in the states.
Hook ups, 1 night stands, and probably around 3x my number of sex history. I'm the complete opposite. I like around 3 dates of talking and getting to know the girl before I even kiss much less sleep with her. I actually had my first one night stand 2 weeks ago off a girl I met on tinder.
My sister encouraged me to try it out and it didn't align with my values and I felt like shit afterwards. It was a good learning experience because it really solidified that I enjoy how I am and it's fine if others are different.I know what you mean. Again, no intent to judge, but I think people put this 'casual' label on things in order to insulate themselves from the fact that relationships require an emotional investment that puts oneself at risk of being hurt. I think thats a good way to put it. Granted, I'm now 41 and married, but when I was younger, I still gravitated toward long-term relationships rather than random hookups. Click here and select a username! It's actually quite confusing.